Day 93 / 108 Challenge

#93

"I bow for the peace of my neighbour."

The depth of the wound got definitely shallower. It almost feels like a paper cut at this point. I feel like I am getting closer to my normal self, who is calm, relaxed, yet focused, and present in the moment.

I had a dinner with my friend, and it reminded me how enjoyable life can be when you are present and feed off of each other's positive energy. It also made me realize that I would rather spend time with people I actually enjoy my time with than spend time with people I feel obligated to maintain the relationship with. I still cannot tell what determines that difference, but one thing I am sure is that I can tell when I genuinely enjoy (this friend being one of them) the time with them. It is when I can be fully myself, have fun or thought provoking conversations, care about each others' well being, and be willing to be present when the others need me. And it does not have to be romantic either. The boundary is crucial, but I am starting to understand what platonic relationship feels like.

Otherwise, I enjoy spending time on my own as well, especially now that I am discovering myself even better. I am mindful about what I want and like in my life. I am a pretty easy going person, and adaptive, but I think I should still have an idea of what I prefer. For a next little while, I will be focused on that. What do I want in the future? Where do I want to live? What kind of lifestyle? All of these questions seem so important, yet I never had the conversation with myself deeply so far.

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Challenge Log

Requirements
No Snacks No drinks or desserts exceeding weekly limit	No snacks
Water intake (max 2L)	2L
2x Pomodoro flows (read min. 10 pages)	Housing market
Productive activity (write a journal or a blog; create a product)	Journalling
Physical activity (min. 45 minutes)	PUSH DAY 1. Bench 205lb 2-3-4-3 2. Close-grip bench 135lb 4x6 (1min break) 10s break super sets== 3A. Incline DB 1.5 bench 40lb 4x6 3B. BB curl 40lb 4x8 4A. Dips 10-10-10-8 4B. DB curl 10lb 4x8 5. Leg raise 3s eccentric 3x10
Wildcard (any 1 of read/produce/exercise above)	(EXERCISE) Outdoor walk

What I am thankful for today

++ I am thankful to have a friend that I can connect well with and who is supportive of me.

Drink/Dessert tickets remaining: 3

Day 92 / 108 Challenge

#92

"I bow to hope for peace in everything around me."

The feelings still linger, but I came to realization that I felt sad, because I lost the opportunity or the future I would have had with her. This does not mean that it is the end of the world.

Sure, the time I would have had in the future with her could have been great (also not) but that does not mean that the other possibility of my future is not going to be great either. Why suffer too long for losing something I did not even have? Over something that could not have been real in the first place?

We give meanings to our past, present, and the future and when any of it differs from our ideal version, we feel let down. But we must not feel let down too much from the things we cannot control. For example, other human beings are outside our control. We cannot control the life of other people. We could be meeting the love of our life tomorrow, but they may leave this earth the next day, also. Nothing will last forever, and we must be ready to detach ourselves which will free us from unnecessarily extended suffering.

Of course it is a difficult mindset to keep 24/7, but we must be constantly aware that we must be free of suffering caused by the things that we cannot control, or by the things that we put meaning into.

When we reflect on the people we lost, the pain may come from the "good memories" we had with them. As far as we know, going back in time is impossible, and those events as themselves had no meaning. WE put extra layer of our perception on top of them which made it "good" in the first place. Once we take that layer off, and look at the events as is, we should be able to minimize the "I miss those good time" feeling.

The pain can also come from the fact that we can no longer have those good memories with them. But having those people share experiences with us are not in our control. THEY get to decide. THEY may not exist forever. So why set ourselves up for disappointment, especially when we have no control over other people's actions? Once we come to acceptance with the fact that there are things we cannot control, we should not let any feelings arise from them dictate our happiness.

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Challenge Log

Requirements
No Snacks No drinks or desserts exceeding weekly limit	No snacks
Water intake (max 2L)	1.5L
2x Pomodoro flows (read min. 10 pages)	Housing market
Productive activity (write a journal or a blog; create a product)	Journalling
Physical activity (min. 45 minutes)	LEG DAY 1. Deadlift 315lb 2-2-1-1 2. Reverse lunge squat 175lb 4x3 (10s rest super sets below) 3A. Front & side DB lunge 25lb 4x6 3B. Rear delt DB raise 25lb 4x6 4A. Jump 1.5 squat 4x6 4B. Arnold press 25lb 4x6 5. 3s eccentric leg raise + 30s boat hold 3x10
Wildcard (any 1 of read/produce/exercise above)	(EXERCISE) More outdoor walk

What I am thankful for today

++ I am thankful to have a healthy mindset that got me through today. A lot of good realizations came out of the introspection.

Drink/Dessert tickets remaining: 3

Day 91 / 108 Challenge

#91

"I bow for my own peace."

I was in a much better state. Dealing with the raw emotion without avoiding or suppressing over the weekend seemed to really alleviate the intensity. I still felt uncomfortable time to time, but the frequency and the intensity were a lot lower.

I also realized that I seem to have greater amount of emotional needs compared to average people. As much as I like to give my loving energy to others, I like to have it in return.

This can often overwhelm the other side in my relationship in the beginning. So my take from this experience is that I must pay attention to what her emotional needs are at a given time, and make up the difference by having it met from family and friends.

Or alternatively, I can be in a relationship where the other side is willing to give more / has more emotional needs.

I also have to constantly remind myself that looks fade away. What is more important in a long-term relationship is

• How easy and fun it is to have a conversation

• Do your core values align

• Can you communicate openly and in a nice manner to each other

• Are you willing to accept each others' flaws

• And most importantly, are you two happy with yourselves

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Challenge Log

Requirements
No Snacks No drinks or desserts exceeding weekly limit	No snacks
Water intake (max 2L)	1.5L
2x Pomodoro flows (read min. 10 pages)	Life lesson
Productive activity (write a journal or a blog; create a product)	Journalling
Physical activity (min. 45 minutes)	Outdoor walk
Wildcard (any 1 of read/produce/exercise above)	(EXERCISE) More outdoor walk

What I am thankful for today

++ I am thankful to have a healthy body that can enjoy the sun while walking outside.

++ I also really appreciate people in my life who care about me. The emotional support from them is crucial to my happiness.

Drink/Dessert tickets remaining: 3