Day 72 / 108 Challenge

#72

"I bow for friends who have been beside me, sharing my laughter and tears."

I told myself that I would take a break today, but I made a list of to-do's the night before because otherwise I was too overwhelmed to fall asleep. The day started off ok as I actually took time to recharge. Here's the photo I took while I was enjoying the beam of rays. It was a very awakening moment.

However, things started to escalate a lot as I began to empty out the place properly for the move. Although there were less items involved, still the process of moving out was extremely stressful. On top of that, I had to deal with few other issues related to the old and the new house. And most importantly, I still wished to be present for my girlfriend. Which obviously failed miserably.

Undoubtedly, there are numerous benefits of fully utilizing the day every day, and one of them is that you get a lot done each day. The ugly truth or the shadow behind is that your day will feel much longer, and not in a dreadful way. This means that someone's perception of a week will feel like two weeks or a month for you. And I have to be mindful of this, because I can come off as too aggressive. Generally not being in contact with a friend for a day or two is ok. However, if I am operating at 2-4x pace compared to that friend, I may feel like I had not communicated for a week. Which, then will lead to me being even more overwhelmed for not being in contact on top of other stuff I have to deal with.

Currently I came to a conclusion that I took on too many responsibilities than I can handle. The nature of my "I can do it" finally caught up to me, and I think the universe is trying to tell me to slow down.

For 2 weeks straight I had been surpassing my personal record at lifting, my physique was at its lifetime peak, killing it at work, and building meaningful relationship with friends and my girlfriend. But I was missing one very crucial point. Taking care of ME.

I mistook the simple act of doing this challenge or following my routine (and doing more) with the self-care. I mean, it helps, partially. The physically, mentally, and spiritually stimulating activity that sculpts you into a better man IS part of self-care, but so is taking time off to let yourself breathe.

Right now, I find myself hardly being able to be present. Rather, it feels like I am constantly worrying about the future (sometimes too far in the future that gets me even more stressed unnecessarily), plan for it, and get by day by day. This is not the way to live a happy life, no matter how productive I am.

Unfortunately, somethings have deadlines (ones with greater financial repercussion) so I cannot take days off completely right now. However, I must take action before it is too late.

This is what I am going to do to allow myself to recharge:

• Taking half-day off in the office

• Going on a de-load phase in the workouts (less stress on my body and mind trying to figure out gym schedule while moving)

• No to social mandates

• Still follow the meal plan and schedule (VERY IMPORTANT)

Once things calm down, I will re-evaluate what is important to me, and add those responsibilities back into my life.

I foresee my life stabilizing once I move into a new house in 10 days. I will also then have a holiday and a weekend to properly recharge because I will not have to worry about where I will stay nor what work I will have to do.

I am grateful how supportive my girlfriend is. She reassures me to make me feel secured about our relationship, and encourages me to take time for myself to sort things out.

I am also grateful for myself coming this far in life. While dealing with all these stressful situations and failures, I look at myself in the mirror and I am just so proud of myself.

Lately I am obsessed with the sentence "build the garden". Here is a more detailed quote from online:

"If you spend your time chasing butterflies, they'll fly away, If you spend your time making a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come to you. And if they don't come, you still have your garden."

And this hit me hard.

I am glad that I focused on building the garden (improving myself - just being a better person than who you were before) versus chasing butterflies (success, respect from others, and etc.) all this time. So even when things do not go the way I envisioned or I do not get the result I wanted, I still have the better me who are stronger, fitter, wiser, and more loving.

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Challenge Log

Requirements
No Snacks No drinks or desserts exceeding weekly limit	No snacks
Water intake (max 2L)	1.5L
2x Pomodoro flows (read min. 10 pages)	Interior design & renovation plan
Productive activity (write a journal or a blog; create a product)	Journalling
Physical activity (min. 45 minutes)	PULL DAY 1. Cable chin-up 140lb 4x8 2. DB row 60lb 4x8 3A. DB curl 20lb 4x8 3B. DB tri-extension 20lb 4x8 4A. DB pullover 45lb 4x8 4B. DB bench 20lb 4x8 5. Weighted leg raises 12lb 3x6 6. Hanging leg raise + 30s boat hold 5x10
Wildcard (any 1 of read/produce/exercise above)	(PRODUCE) Prepping for move

Should've/Would've/Could've

-- It's ok. You MUST take a break at this point. You are still far better than who you were before. Taking a break will not set you back. Keep going forward without break WILL.

Drink/Dessert tickets remaining: 1

Day 71 / 108 Challenge

#71

"I bow for all disabled people."

The day started off a little better. I am the type of person that cannot (or will not) stay sad forever. I also made sure that my girlfriend felt better as I could sense that my mood was affecting her.

A big milestone on renovation front - my first meeting with an architect happened today. He seemed extremely passionate about his work, which I liked despite his service costs being more expensive than others. I also sorted out my pants and broken earbuds situation by purchasing new ones. These experiences reminded me why I make money. To deal with these negative unexpectedness smoothly. Note to self: focus spending money on solving your problems first, not satisfying your 'wants'.

On my way back to home, I stopped by at a local branch to catch up with a friend and get to know how student loan system works at the bank. It turned out to be a productive catch-up, and I now get to help another friend out with his personal finances. This reminded me that I am passionate about helping people with their financial planning.

Later in the afternoon, I met up with other friends to play some indoor golf. It was good to keep my mind away from everything else, and enjoy the moment. Though, towards the end it was getting a little exhausting, so I had to say no to the after drinks with them.

I picked up groceries on my way back, and caught up with my parents over the phone. As I was talking to them about how my life was going, it reassured me that things were going well. Then, I wanted to relax and introspect to make sense of my latest feelings.

I began by going through my past journals. I write them every day, but I rarely take time to look back at them. I probably went back about 10 days worth of it. And it instantly gave me an answer. I was too focused on improving myself through grinding that I forgot to take care of my health. I do not mean by working out or eating healthy. I mean by taking time to pause and properly relax.

I noticed that every opportunity I had to take some time off for myself, I tried to fill that up. For example, socializing with others, thinking about renovation project, or working out more.

I tried to maximize the amount of tasks I get done every day and forgot to take some time off to reset/recharge. I was getting addicted to completing more tasks and was not paying attention to how my body and mind were reacting to that amount of burden. I must take breaks, so I get to operate at nearly 100% capacity again.

It is part of a growing process, and after all this I will become more efficient and productive. To grow effectively, I must give myself some time and space to recharge. It is obviously a stressful time to do so as well. I am in the middle of moving houses, and there are many tasks outstanding that are both important and have financial consequences if I choose to procrastinate. But things can get manageable when I delegate properly. Which is exactly what I had been doing.

I remember telling my girlfriend that I have so much loving energy inside of me that it overflows and I need to direct it somewhere. I believe that is why I come off as very positive person.

Lately, I feel that energy is no longer there, and I still try to provide the same to others around me. That is probably why I felt so down lately. I was spending more energy than what myself was regenerating.

In conclusion, I must take time off to recharge my energy. Let's see if this works.

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Challenge Log

Requirements
No Snacks No drinks or desserts exceeding weekly limit	No snacks
Water intake (max 2L)	1.5L
2x Pomodoro flows (read min. 10 pages)	Interior design & renovation plan
Productive activity (write a journal or a blog; create a product)	Journalling
Physical activity (min. 45 minutes)	Golf
Wildcard (any 1 of read/produce/exercise above)	(EXERCISE) More golfing (PRODUCE) Blog website reconfigure for better UX

Should've/Would've/Could've

-- Be more mindful of your energy levels and where you are spending them. Say no more often.

Drink/Dessert tickets remaining: 1

Day 70 / 108 Challenge

#70

"I bow for my partner, who became one with me through love."

I still cannot get negative thoughts out of my head. Usually I am able to move past these thoughts, but lately I am more inclined to cling to those thoughts. One reason I found was that I am checking to see whether I am not missing anything. Most of the times I ignore these, so perhaps now is the time to really ensure that these thoughts should be ignored. Or should they be paid attention to? This is when I become a victim of vicious cycle of negative thoughts.

Though I am happy that I prioritize my growth over anything. I stick to my daily routine/challenges (my non-negotiable's) and do whatever else I need to do as much as I can every day. No matter how shitty the day is, I know that my life will be better because I put effort into improving myself.

Both my coworkers and I decided to eat delicious meals to lighten up my mood, but it did not last long. I am going to work on resetting my brain over the weekend to go back to being more positive and optimistic. Finding the root cause of why I am feeling this way, as well.

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Challenge Log

Requirements
No Snacks No drinks or desserts exceeding weekly limit	Had few drinks with a friend
Water intake (max 2L)	1.5L
2x Pomodoro flows (read min. 10 pages)	Research
Productive activity (write a journal or a blog; create a product)	Journalling
Physical activity (min. 45 minutes)	LEG DAY 1. Squat 225/245/275/295lb 5/3/2/0 (fail) 2. Front squat 195lb 4x3 3A. Leg curls 140lb 4x3 3B. Side lateral raises 30lb 4x8 4A. Static lunge 50lb 4x6 ea. 4B. Front shoulder raise 15lb 4x8 5. Hanging leg raise 5s hold + 30s boat hold 5x10
Wildcard (any 1 of read/produce/exercise above)	(PRODUCE) Daily Market digest (EXERCISE) Outdoor walk

Should've/Would've/Could've

-- Could have gone lighter on the amount of delicious meals. Too bad it did not help breaking 295lb squat either.

Drink/Dessert tickets remaining: 1